Back from my Sabbatical

Hey everybody

I know,I know. Where the hell have I been and how dare I think I can just come waltzing back in as if nothing has happened and I can just go back to that whore I was with because I've got another thing coming if I think you were sitting around waiting for me!

That about it? Feel better now? Good.

So I've been rather busy lately, well not really but let's just say I was. Me and the ex are..."hanging out". It's really nice. :-) I'm happy, can you tell?

So let me tell you about Tuesday. I had a really nice day, which started the night before with me snuggling with The Ex. (Sigh. Shut up.) Tuesday was my good friend Sid's b-day so we had some awesome cake at work, and then I rushed off to have my hair done and then the evening was spent having cocktails with the girls. I was very Sex and the City. Minus the weird clothes, because seriously, who dresses like that?

But then just as I thought karma was doing me a good turn BAM! They broke into my car. I say "they" because that's usually who you blame. You know, them! I came out of the restaurant to find my beautiful car defiled and raped. They did not just break into my car, they BROKE my car! The bent the door so that they could put their hand in from above and open the door. They opened her up like a two dollar whore.

They stole my shades and an old jacket, but best of all, the remote control to my car frontloader. What. the. FUCK!!! Why take the remote? WHY?!!!! I swear that is the thing that sent me over the edge, because before I found out about the remote I was relatively stable. But that was the last straw. So the next motherfucker is getting a butter knife in the neck. Yes, a butter knife. I am that pissed off. The cherry is that my excess on the insurance is 8 times the value of the things that were stolen!

And that is how my day turned from a Sex and the City episode to a cheap version of Law & Order: Useless Crimes. The trip to the police station was hilarious at best, mildly annoying at worst. I got there at 11:40pm, only to be met by a half asleep detective, and then have my statement taken by a women that I saw sleeping in the corner when I came in. She continued to make spelling mistakes on my form, and at one point had to scrap the first draft because it would be easier to start over than grab some tippex. The latest is that I will have to replace the door. Fuck!

New hairstyle = R150

Dinner with friends = R180

R200 of stuff stolen from car causing R1600 of damage = PRICELESS!

To take my mind off above-mentioned breakage of car door, I have been indulging in only the fun parts of work, and reading lamebook.com

It is seriously hilarious. This is my current favourite.

For the Grown Folks

Mortality.

The biggest and scariest word (to me anyways) in the English language. Today I am being faced with my own mortality. I am not She-Ra (shoutout to the 80's superhero comics.)

See? This is exactly what I am talking about. I'm getting old. I am now in the age bracket where I'm still young and hip enough (and can actually afford) to do stuff, but old enough to do them in moderation so that I don't feel like a zombie the next day and I still have money in my bank account. But I remember a time when all those things did not matter. I would go out and think "Fuck sleep, who needs that? I'm PARTYING! My last 20 bucks on a round of shooters? WHY NOT?!!"
Now if I stay out past midnight on a weeknight the next day is one of sleep-deprived torture, constantly watching the minutes tick by as time crawls towards the hour of my freedom from corporate bondage.

Sid: It's like there's this limit of fun that my body can handle. If I go over that limit my body complains.

I couldn't have said it better myself. What happened to my staying power? Where did all that stamina go? Why is it now impossible for me to get by with 5 hrs sleep, when back in the day I stayed up once for 38 hrs straight. Partying! People went to bed, woke up in shifts to keep me company. I was on FIRE!

But all that is gone now, and I'm having a hard time accepting it.
You see, last night I indulged in the Thursday night party at Galaxy. (Why? Because its Thursday, DUH!)
Galaxy is the oldest club in Cape Town, and still the best ever. I was all responsible and everything. Left the club at 1, had a shower and went to bed. Today I feel like the walking dead. The worst is that I didn't even drink (had two ciders, no kak).

I want my 18-22 yr old body back. She was a trooper. She could party. I don't like this 26 yr old wuss. She is a fader.

Bitch.

I am totally aware that I'm getting older. That there are certain things that society is politely going to tell me to stop wearing, stop eating, stop saying, and places I'll have to stop going, just to make sure that I really enjoy the last few years before my inevitable death. (Thanks Society. You're so giving that way.) Unless I reach Madonna status (which if you knew me, you'd know is VERY likely), and then I just won't give a fuck.

I'm back...

So once again I am denouncing alcohol. Don't look at me like that! I can stop whenever I want!!

Fuck you...

Alcohol has been fun, but now I'm trying to get serious. Serious about life, about me and the things I want. (Like I've already said for the hundredth time). It doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss that beautiful buzz you get after a few drinks, and then allowing myself to sink into that beautiful pool of "I don't give a fuck what you think cos I just came here to DANCE!"

Sigh...I'm really gonna miss that feeling the most. Don't get me wrong, drunk or sober I'm an AWESOME dancer. Like Fame, only better cos its unrehearsed. I am Mad "Freestyler" Phoenix yo.

And before you people think this is one of those "I'm never having a drink again", its just for a while.

Think I might start smoking that tabasco again. Did that a lot with my ex, we kinda used it as a band aid to an its-ok-but-not-really relationship. Everyone who has been in a relationship knows exactly what I mean.

But now we are friends so maybe we can use it to heal over any cracks that might hamper the lovers-to-friends transition.

In unrelated news I lost a follower last week. I was all the way up to 5, and then the deserter decided that he/she didn't like checking up on an un-updated blog. So sorry to everybody else for being so quiet, and fuck you deserter!

I was at a loss for what to say. What did The Don call it?
Oh yeah, blogstipation. LOL, love that word.

Halloween Post: I'm going as a black fairy

"dressing up as lara croft this year and it was all mad phoenix's idea. AND SHE IS SO BRILLIANT!" Sid Kane's gchat status.

Now if this is not an indication that my plan to take over the world one brilliant blogger at a time is working beautifully, then I don't know what is.

If you have a blog, be forewarned. I'm in your head. You don't know it, and you won't feel it. But I'm there. You will bow to me...one day!

MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!

I'm getting old, but at least I have good hair.

My best friend is pregnant!

Very exciting news until I took a step back and really looked at the situation. I'm 26, single with no kids, and with no sign of either changing anytime soon. Hmmm. Took me back to my mini freak out I had a while back. Follow the link to bask in my pathetic-ness (I make up words, get over it.)

I think the problem is that I've been comparing myself to other people. Take Jewels: happily married for 2 and half years and now having a baby. She is 28. The timetable is on track for her, in that respect. I on the other hand have lived on a Sub-Antarctic island for a year, been to Spain by myself and have a semi-successful-on-the-right-track career and have the financial freedom to do just about anything I want (except buy a house because let's just face it you need a double income for that shit). I'm 26. Who's life would you prefer?

The answer: the other person's.
It's the old cliche that the grass is always greener, and you never miss the water, blah blah blah.

I'm so not falling for that crock of shit anymore. I'm in control. This didn't just happen to me, because I am The Architect. (For all those born in the 90's or who live under a rock, this is a reference to The Matrix). I've decided that from now on I need to be the one making decisions, because going with the flow is just not working for me anymore. I need to be willing to take risks if I want rewards. And I need to acknowledge the good things in my life, before I go head-first trying to create a new one. Because its not all bad. I just need to start weeding out the shit that wastes my time, and refocus that time on something constructive. And I need to realise that great things are not achieved by great deeds, but by consistently doing the same little deed everyday.

Geez, sorry guys. This has really turned into a pep-talk to myself instead of a deep and profound post. FAIL.

Birthday Madness Weekend - free advertising

So this weekend is exceptionally full for me. I've got three friends who are having birthdays in one week. Any coincidence that this week signifies the middle of spring, when food starts to become abundant again and the days become warmer? Hmm - biology is a beautiful thing.

K, so back to my hectic weekend. Birthday one: after work drinks and snacks at Jamaica Me Crazy (affectionately known as JMC). Really good food, great drinks, and Monday Madness means you get to enjoy both for half the price, whilst there is happy hour everyday with selected cocktails at half price from 5-6, so its the perfect hangout for an after-work destress session.

Next Birthday: my cousin's gorgeous girlfriend (and I don't just say that because its her b-day, she is REALLY PRETTY...bitch) is having a party at a club in the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town, Living Room. (Stupid name, I know. Why don't they just call it The Lounge? But then it would probably get confused with the old Lounge that is now called Zula. Yes people, me and Town go way back). She has a guestlist, so entry is free for me! Oh yeah baby, me love me some free shit. Living Room is a bit uppity, and the drinks are a tad more expensive but then you got a DRANK! and not some excuse for a shot.

Then finally Saturday there are drinks at my place with some friends (as you can see, I have a liver of steel!) Afterwards is a b-day party at Strata Lounge in the South. Lansdowne to be more precise. It's more of a little sister club to the very big @mosphere - which is a playground. If you are older than 22, don't bother. It's not for you. They should change the name to Jailbait. Once again I am on a guestlist, so more free shit for MP!! Whoop whoop!!!

So guys please wish me luck as I set off at 5pm on my adventure. Did I mention that I'm on allergy meds which could have a nasty interactions with alcohol? I'm looking forward to see how nasty they can be. I'm nothing if not thorough.

What are you up to? Going out or laying low this weekend? Either way, enjoy and pray no one let's me drive this weekend.

Whatever happened to Ralph Macchio? He was so cute!

After my brilliant previous post (hey, I'm nothing if not modest) I've been suffering from writer's block. How do I top that?!!! But whatever. Next subject.

Muay thai!!!

I wanna learn so badly. This has been sitting in the back of mind for almost a year now. I particularly wanna join the Dragon Power gym. Is that the most awesome name for a gym or what?!!! AND the owner is a world Muay Thai Champion! I will be his Daniel-san and he will be my Miyagi. Its gonna be so AWESOME!!!