I've lost 3kg in 2 months. Not bad. Until I became premenstrual and my body retained so much water that I gained those 3kg back. Oh yeah, happy times.
As if my pms wasn't bad enough you wanna tell me I gained weight mother fucker?! That's right, I'm looking at you Mr Scale! You know what, FUCK YOU! All you ever do is look at me all judgementaly and call me fat, you insensitive jerk! I wish you would just fuck off and DIE! (runs off crying)
One week later: Hey Mr Scale, I'm sorry about our fight. I know we both said some harsh things but I'm sure we can just put it all behind us and move forward. Together.
Well, would you look at that! Those 3kg are gone again. Well isn't that just the darndest thing...
So my life has been rather exciting lately, but first, let me put you in the scene. I am a House MD fanatic. Best. Series. EVER! However, this addiction has one rather nasty side effect. Every little thing I see on my body makes me believe I have an incredibly rare autoimmune disease, OR I need to go to the hospital so they can stick a huge needle in me before they can make a diagnosis. I freak myself out on a regular basis. Like the whole weight gain in the beginning of this blog. I was all, I have cushions! There is a tumour in my brain that is pushing down on my pituitary gland, which is causing all my hormones to go hay wire leading to this inexplicable weight gain, moodiness and lethargy! OMG I'M GOING TO DIE! usually follows one of these self-diagnoses. But then the "symptom" goes away and I realise for the hundredth time that maybe I should watch less House.
Then came this weekend. I had a really good weekend. I went to visit my friend and watched The Proposal (super funny guys), went to a mad good braai and scored some wee...hey! Are you wearing a wire?!
So that was Friday and Saturday, totally awesome days. Sunday, not so much. Woke up with a cold sore between my chin and my bottom lip. I don't know what that area is called but it was not really on my chin, and it was not on my lip so that is the best I can do. But that was not the problem. Herpes simplex, relatively harmless virus that is forever in your spinal fluid and flares up when your immune system is a bit down from stress or fatigue. Easily explained away. (FYI: Herpes simplex is the good herpes, it keeps the bad genital herpes away. I am not ashamed. And no I did not make out with anyone that is not how you get it!)
So like I was saying, got a cold sore. No big deal. BUT THEN...DUN DUN DUNNNN!
I rested my head on my hand just under my chin and recoiled at my own touch. The area under my chin was swollen and painful to touch. Immediate thought: CANCER! God, where is Wilson when you need him?! I spent all morning trying to calm myself down in the middle of my PMS-House paranoia. I saw the lumbar puncture tests, the biopsies, the failed chemo, the removal of my submandibular gland to find that its NOT CANCER! What's the differential?!!!
Now for the anti-climax. Went to the doc and he said it was an inflammation/infection of the ...come on, we did this just two seconds ago. That's right, the submandibular gland. This had been brought on by the cold sore, which as we know was set off by the immune system being down from the stress/fatigue. He gave me some antibiotics and pain meds.
I have finished the meds and feel a little better. Took two days off. Was beautiful man. I got to watch House all day!!!