Thursday, October 25, 2012

The controllable crush

I have a theory that if you like someone but know they are out of bounds, and can be around them without constantly making Freudian slips you have what I like to call a controllable crush.

Examples of controllable crushes include:
  • The hot guy at the coffee shop that makes your coffee just the way you like it. (Is it just right cos he made it, or is it made really well and that's why you like him? Cue Twilight Zone theme song)
  • your friend's hot brother who sees you as an extension of his sister, and so therefore treats you like a sister (this is the female equivalent to the male friend-zone trap).
  • your gym trainer because he is your trainer and obviously physically qualified to be one, but he sees and smells your sweat on a regular basis. Not a good look.
  • The hot but unemployed guy who either wants to start or manage a band, and he is 30. He is a beautiful dreamer, who is unemployed. This guy is not so much out of bounds as he is a waste of your child bearing years - but who cares, he is fooiiine. But still, unemployed.
All of them seem like bad ideas. Scratch that, you know they are bad ideas. But what are we sighted people to do?! Irrespective of a person's situation if they were hot enough you know, deep down inside, you would literally jump at the opportunity to do in-depth research on their tonsils.

One thing I think controllable crushes are good for is that they make you pay attention to how you look, all the time. Don't deny it. Going to see a crush makes you take that extra 5min to get dressed and put on eyeliner. Even if you are hellbent on never ever making a move, a little cleavage here and there doesn't hurt. You turn your controllable crush into a power game, by taking control of the game you tip the scales and thus turn yourself into someone else's controllable crush. This in turn creates a world filled with frustrated people all pretending that everything is all platonic and that they don't think Mad Phoenix is cute when you know you were checking out my ass dude!

All I'm saying is if you think I'm hot just say so. I promise not to get you fired.

Friday, February 10, 2012

I wanna look shaxy

I've been eating "well" for the last 3 years. I have lost and gained 5 kg over and over again. This time its serious. Next year I am going to be 30, and I am going to go out of my 20's looking like a sex goddess.

No more half-ass attempts at losing this fat suit, I am doing it. It has been written, and so it shall be done.

Right now I have 30-35kg to lose. Its going to take a lot of discipline and effort, but by God I am sick of being the fat one. I want to be the funny one, the smart one, even the bitchy one would be ok.

I've stopped recreational drinking. Unless its someone's birthday, you can get me a juice. (I'm committed, I tell you!) I also have a really hot trainer. He is nothing if not motivational.

This is what I'm aiming for:
Healthy, but still curvy. Wish me luck.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Don't get too excited...this might not last that long

So I just had lus to write now. I'm supposed to be doing work but this is part of being a WABber.

(WAB: work avoidance behaviour. Now you can all put a name to the disease that you've had for years. You're welcome.)

So this dude at a party on Saturday told me that when a man pulls up his pants he magically becomes a virgin again (read: you can tell when a woman has been around but not a man). Ja, I was surprised by this piece of news too. It would explain why most men, no matter how old they are, still don't know where the G-spot is. But let's cut them some slack ladies. I mean, if your memory of every sexual encounter was magically being erased every time you pulled up your pants, you'd struggle too I suppose. Oh wait, women would shower and change their outfit...nevermind.

So its really disturbing when you see pics on FB of people you have not seen in FOREVER (eg high school, university) who were super skinny and now are super fat. And I know its mean but I always end up thinking "Who ate all the pies? YOU ate all the pies!" (Disclaimer: I have never been exactly skinny, but I'm one of those people that gained weight since high school, so I think I'm allowed to say whatever I want about my people.)

So I want to buy property but not sure what to buy. Flat vs house. I want a dog, so there's that to consider. Also, I want it close enough to my work so that I can keep getting up at 7:30 without having to sacrifice my first born child to pay for it.

So all these thoughts have started with so....
That's it, was just saying.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


Menopausium - pronounced men-o-paush-ee-um.

I just got off the phone with my friend Jewels. She is not feeling so lekker and thinks its the AC in her building. Her boss is a renowned bitch with serious control issues.

"Its on so high, but people going through menopausium mos don't care about anybody else."



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What a great start!

Hey my blogger bunnies.

Just thought you all should know that you missed the most awesome show on Sunday night. Only bad part was that I was working the door so couldn't really get the full impact of the performances. But it was extremely successful nonetheless.

Really hope to see all of you at the next one though, no excuses this time.

Today was actually a really good day, except for my thigh muscles being in permanent spasm from this new dance class that I go to. The moves are a little to advanced for me, but hey, I'm nothing if not stubborn. Really enjoying it, so why stop just because I've lost the use of my left leg?!

But back to my story. So I get to work and my friend AntigenicDrift IM's me (instant message for the less tech savvy) about my gchat status "I love to love, but my baby just loves to dance..."
This of course is a reference to an old 70's song - and we all know I loves me some 70's music. Thus followed the most hilarious conversation.

(If you don't know the song, its not gonna be funny, so click here to give it a listen.)

AntigenicDrift: you know, that is a sad song

me: why?

AntigenicDrift: cos he cheats on her, you must read the lyrics

“dance" is a euphimism

she loves to love

but her baby just loves to "dance"

me: er, no its not

she goes with to the club

AntigenicDrift: er yes it is

me: "stop, I'm spinning like a top. WE"LL dance until we drop"

AntigenicDrift: Oh I love to love

But there's no time for our romance

me: yes, because he is about the party life, and she wants to stay at home

AntigenicDrift: we'll dance the night away BUT IF I HAD MY WAY we'll stay at home and get down

me: now you are just proving my point

AntigenicDrift: i think he's a joller lol im sorry

me: ja, like go to the jol joller

not other women joller

AntigenicDrift: nai kyk hier

me: but that was an interesting take on it

AntigenicDrift: in the future nir

you get gatvol of being dragged where you dont lus to go right

im looking into the future of the song here

me: LOL

AntigenicDrift: so then she IS gonna stay at home right

and then who is he gonna dance with

while she is at home

me: LMAO

naai, I see your point ja

AntigenicDrift: nai really lol dont laugh

me: clouds across the moon

AntigenicDrift: yor another sad song

why long distance dont work out, you might as well be on mars

me: The killer line

"is there someone there with you?"

AntigenicDrift: hahahahaha!

shame thats a sad song

and she has laaities also "the kids say they love you"

me: "but I'm trying not to cry"

that is so not sexy

Tell him what you wearing!

AntigenicDrift: aweh

hi darling, how you doing?

hey baby, i got my 2 piece on, oh im sorry,

is that slut there with you?

oh since you went away that sluts had you in her sights,

i just cant sleep another night,

im not ashamed to say you need your head read,

cos im the best in bed

or something like that

dont come mope here

me: LOL


PS: AD is in a band, so this is one of the many songs he has "remixed."

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


First of all, so sorry that this blog has been a dead zone. I've been working hard, and don't have internet at home.

"But you could write your posts offline and post them when you have a minute or during lunch." I hear you grumble.

Shh, no-one likes a smart ass.

This post is going to be short, or I plan to be brief but the way I feel right now I could spew all the pent up job frustration and stress all over this blog. I don't want to, but right now I don't really know what I'm feeling so everything could go haywire at any minute.

There is good news though. My BF is hosting his first event, Renaissance Nights this Sunday - 7 November 2010. So come by. R30 gets you 5 live acts and a DJ. Show starts at 17:30 so come early to get a seat, but there is lots of standing space so no one will be turned away.
(I would actually love to say "Not tonight" to somebody. Must be such a power trip.)

There will be bar specials - I call them Soulful Sunday Sundowners (I really think I should trademark that phrase). Check out the flyer.

So hope to see you there. End the weekend on a good note (ha ha,puns) and start the week off right.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Shout out's on Heritage Day

This week was extremely busy - what with having to cancel my leave (yes, insanity has taken hold of me), having to attend all day meetings the whole week and dealing with work financial crises. But its a public holiday and I'm finding myself rather... alone. The BF is going to his high school reunion and they are not allowing partners. (Just lower that eyelid!)
And the BFF is at her mother-in-law's celebrating her sis-in-law making it to the Top 40 in Popstars - so go out and support Anray Amansure.

Speaking of support, watch my BF's music video -
I get down for Cape Town.
He is so hot!!!

So since I'm all solo and stuff I'm considering going shopping, or making the first move and calling some girls to join me for sundowners. Either way, I'm going to make the most of being solo for today.

Unless you wanna hang out? I'm just saying...if you wanna hang out I'm totally cool with that. Or not. Like whatever.