Thursday, October 25, 2012

The controllable crush

I have a theory that if you like someone but know they are out of bounds, and can be around them without constantly making Freudian slips you have what I like to call a controllable crush.

Examples of controllable crushes include:
  • The hot guy at the coffee shop that makes your coffee just the way you like it. (Is it just right cos he made it, or is it made really well and that's why you like him? Cue Twilight Zone theme song)
  • your friend's hot brother who sees you as an extension of his sister, and so therefore treats you like a sister (this is the female equivalent to the male friend-zone trap).
  • your gym trainer because he is your trainer and obviously physically qualified to be one, but he sees and smells your sweat on a regular basis. Not a good look.
  • The hot but unemployed guy who either wants to start or manage a band, and he is 30. He is a beautiful dreamer, who is unemployed. This guy is not so much out of bounds as he is a waste of your child bearing years - but who cares, he is fooiiine. But still, unemployed.
All of them seem like bad ideas. Scratch that, you know they are bad ideas. But what are we sighted people to do?! Irrespective of a person's situation if they were hot enough you know, deep down inside, you would literally jump at the opportunity to do in-depth research on their tonsils.

One thing I think controllable crushes are good for is that they make you pay attention to how you look, all the time. Don't deny it. Going to see a crush makes you take that extra 5min to get dressed and put on eyeliner. Even if you are hellbent on never ever making a move, a little cleavage here and there doesn't hurt. You turn your controllable crush into a power game, by taking control of the game you tip the scales and thus turn yourself into someone else's controllable crush. This in turn creates a world filled with frustrated people all pretending that everything is all platonic and that they don't think Mad Phoenix is cute when you know you were checking out my ass dude!

All I'm saying is if you think I'm hot just say so. I promise not to get you fired.

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