I know,I know. Where the hell have I been and how dare I think I can just come waltzing back in as if nothing has happened and I can just go back to that whore I was with because I've got another thing coming if I think you were sitting around waiting for me!
So I've been rather busy lately, well not really but let's just say I was. Me and the ex are..."hanging out". It's really nice. :-) I'm happy, can you tell?
So let me tell you about Tuesday. I had a really nice day, which started the night before with me snuggling with The Ex. (Sigh. Shut up.) Tuesday was my good friend Sid's b-day so we had some awesome cake at work, and then I rushed off to have my hair done and then the evening was spent having cocktails with the girls. I was very Sex and the City. Minus the weird clothes, because seriously, who dresses like that?
But then just as I thought karma was doing me a good turn BAM! They broke into my car. I say "they" because that's usually who you blame. You know, them! I came out of the restaurant to find my beautiful car defiled and raped. They did not just break into my car, they BROKE my car! The bent the door so that they could put their hand in from above and open the door. They opened her up like a two dollar whore.
They stole my shades and an old jacket, but best of all, the remote control to my car frontloader. What. the. FUCK!!! Why take the remote? WHY?!!!! I swear that is the thing that sent me over the edge, because before I found out about the remote I was relatively stable. But that was the last straw. So the next motherfucker is getting a butter knife in the neck. Yes, a butter knife. I am that pissed off. The cherry is that my excess on the insurance is 8 times the value of the things that were stolen!
And that is how my day turned from a Sex and the City episode to a cheap version of Law & Order: Useless Crimes. The trip to the police station was hilarious at best, mildly annoying at worst. I got there at 11:40pm, only to be met by a half asleep detective, and then have my statement taken by a women that I saw sleeping in the corner when I came in. She continued to make spelling mistakes on my form, and at one point had to scrap the first draft because it would be easier to start over than grab some tippex. The latest is that I will have to replace the door. Fuck!
It is seriously hilarious. This is my current favourite.