I’m one of those people who try to stay foolishly optimistic. I believe in the good in people, and especially hope for the best in men (being heterosexual and all). So it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve fallen on my face when it comes to relationships, I’ve always been able to retain that “first love” excitement when it comes to relationships. (Naïve and dangerous, I know, shut up!)
But lately I’ve felt as though that chapter of my life has closed, the desire to be desired has faded. I mean sure, we all want to be in a stable relationship so we can procreate more effectively right?
See! This is what is wrong with me. This is how I’ve been thinking lately.”I need someone who I can buy a house with, have babies with, save for retirement with.”
I no longer long for romance. I would rather be in a relationship based on mutual respect than fall in love. But then I wonder if I am doing this to myself in some subconsciously messed up way. Am I retreating from my emotions because the disappointment that follows another failed relationship is not worth the effort? Meaning: An accidental brush on my arm won’t give me gooseflesh. That when my eyes meet those of some handsome stranger there will be now butterflies in my tummy. That a first kiss will lose its electricity, a first time will lose its passion.
How fucking sad is that?!
I need a vacation some where warm, with lots of hot, extremely tan men. Where Marcello or Vincenzo is an average name. Know what I mean?