For the Grown Folks

Mortality.

The biggest and scariest word (to me anyways) in the English language. Today I am being faced with my own mortality. I am not She-Ra (shoutout to the 80's superhero comics.)

See? This is exactly what I am talking about. I'm getting old. I am now in the age bracket where I'm still young and hip enough (and can actually afford) to do stuff, but old enough to do them in moderation so that I don't feel like a zombie the next day and I still have money in my bank account. But I remember a time when all those things did not matter. I would go out and think "Fuck sleep, who needs that? I'm PARTYING! My last 20 bucks on a round of shooters? WHY NOT?!!"
Now if I stay out past midnight on a weeknight the next day is one of sleep-deprived torture, constantly watching the minutes tick by as time crawls towards the hour of my freedom from corporate bondage.

Sid: It's like there's this limit of fun that my body can handle. If I go over that limit my body complains.

I couldn't have said it better myself. What happened to my staying power? Where did all that stamina go? Why is it now impossible for me to get by with 5 hrs sleep, when back in the day I stayed up once for 38 hrs straight. Partying! People went to bed, woke up in shifts to keep me company. I was on FIRE!

But all that is gone now, and I'm having a hard time accepting it.
You see, last night I indulged in the Thursday night party at Galaxy. (Why? Because its Thursday, DUH!)
Galaxy is the oldest club in Cape Town, and still the best ever. I was all responsible and everything. Left the club at 1, had a shower and went to bed. Today I feel like the walking dead. The worst is that I didn't even drink (had two ciders, no kak).

I want my 18-22 yr old body back. She was a trooper. She could party. I don't like this 26 yr old wuss. She is a fader.

Bitch.

I am totally aware that I'm getting older. That there are certain things that society is politely going to tell me to stop wearing, stop eating, stop saying, and places I'll have to stop going, just to make sure that I really enjoy the last few years before my inevitable death. (Thanks Society. You're so giving that way.) Unless I reach Madonna status (which if you knew me, you'd know is VERY likely), and then I just won't give a fuck.

I'm back...

So once again I am denouncing alcohol. Don't look at me like that! I can stop whenever I want!!

Fuck you...

Alcohol has been fun, but now I'm trying to get serious. Serious about life, about me and the things I want. (Like I've already said for the hundredth time). It doesn't mean that I'm not going to miss that beautiful buzz you get after a few drinks, and then allowing myself to sink into that beautiful pool of "I don't give a fuck what you think cos I just came here to DANCE!"

Sigh...I'm really gonna miss that feeling the most. Don't get me wrong, drunk or sober I'm an AWESOME dancer. Like Fame, only better cos its unrehearsed. I am Mad "Freestyler" Phoenix yo.

And before you people think this is one of those "I'm never having a drink again", its just for a while.

Think I might start smoking that tabasco again. Did that a lot with my ex, we kinda used it as a band aid to an its-ok-but-not-really relationship. Everyone who has been in a relationship knows exactly what I mean.

But now we are friends so maybe we can use it to heal over any cracks that might hamper the lovers-to-friends transition.

In unrelated news I lost a follower last week. I was all the way up to 5, and then the deserter decided that he/she didn't like checking up on an un-updated blog. So sorry to everybody else for being so quiet, and fuck you deserter!

I was at a loss for what to say. What did The Don call it?
Oh yeah, blogstipation. LOL, love that word.

Halloween Post: I'm going as a black fairy

"dressing up as lara croft this year and it was all mad phoenix's idea. AND SHE IS SO BRILLIANT!" Sid Kane's gchat status.

Now if this is not an indication that my plan to take over the world one brilliant blogger at a time is working beautifully, then I don't know what is.

If you have a blog, be forewarned. I'm in your head. You don't know it, and you won't feel it. But I'm there. You will bow to me...one day!

MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!

I'm getting old, but at least I have good hair.

My best friend is pregnant!

Very exciting news until I took a step back and really looked at the situation. I'm 26, single with no kids, and with no sign of either changing anytime soon. Hmmm. Took me back to my mini freak out I had a while back. Follow the link to bask in my pathetic-ness (I make up words, get over it.)

I think the problem is that I've been comparing myself to other people. Take Jewels: happily married for 2 and half years and now having a baby. She is 28. The timetable is on track for her, in that respect. I on the other hand have lived on a Sub-Antarctic island for a year, been to Spain by myself and have a semi-successful-on-the-right-track career and have the financial freedom to do just about anything I want (except buy a house because let's just face it you need a double income for that shit). I'm 26. Who's life would you prefer?

The answer: the other person's.
It's the old cliche that the grass is always greener, and you never miss the water, blah blah blah.

I'm so not falling for that crock of shit anymore. I'm in control. This didn't just happen to me, because I am The Architect. (For all those born in the 90's or who live under a rock, this is a reference to The Matrix). I've decided that from now on I need to be the one making decisions, because going with the flow is just not working for me anymore. I need to be willing to take risks if I want rewards. And I need to acknowledge the good things in my life, before I go head-first trying to create a new one. Because its not all bad. I just need to start weeding out the shit that wastes my time, and refocus that time on something constructive. And I need to realise that great things are not achieved by great deeds, but by consistently doing the same little deed everyday.

Geez, sorry guys. This has really turned into a pep-talk to myself instead of a deep and profound post. FAIL.

Birthday Madness Weekend - free advertising

So this weekend is exceptionally full for me. I've got three friends who are having birthdays in one week. Any coincidence that this week signifies the middle of spring, when food starts to become abundant again and the days become warmer? Hmm - biology is a beautiful thing.

K, so back to my hectic weekend. Birthday one: after work drinks and snacks at Jamaica Me Crazy (affectionately known as JMC). Really good food, great drinks, and Monday Madness means you get to enjoy both for half the price, whilst there is happy hour everyday with selected cocktails at half price from 5-6, so its the perfect hangout for an after-work destress session.

Next Birthday: my cousin's gorgeous girlfriend (and I don't just say that because its her b-day, she is REALLY PRETTY...bitch) is having a party at a club in the Northern Suburbs of Cape Town, Living Room. (Stupid name, I know. Why don't they just call it The Lounge? But then it would probably get confused with the old Lounge that is now called Zula. Yes people, me and Town go way back). She has a guestlist, so entry is free for me! Oh yeah baby, me love me some free shit. Living Room is a bit uppity, and the drinks are a tad more expensive but then you got a DRANK! and not some excuse for a shot.

Then finally Saturday there are drinks at my place with some friends (as you can see, I have a liver of steel!) Afterwards is a b-day party at Strata Lounge in the South. Lansdowne to be more precise. It's more of a little sister club to the very big @mosphere - which is a playground. If you are older than 22, don't bother. It's not for you. They should change the name to Jailbait. Once again I am on a guestlist, so more free shit for MP!! Whoop whoop!!!

So guys please wish me luck as I set off at 5pm on my adventure. Did I mention that I'm on allergy meds which could have a nasty interactions with alcohol? I'm looking forward to see how nasty they can be. I'm nothing if not thorough.

What are you up to? Going out or laying low this weekend? Either way, enjoy and pray no one let's me drive this weekend.

Whatever happened to Ralph Macchio? He was so cute!

After my brilliant previous post (hey, I'm nothing if not modest) I've been suffering from writer's block. How do I top that?!!! But whatever. Next subject.

Muay thai!!!

I wanna learn so badly. This has been sitting in the back of mind for almost a year now. I particularly wanna join the Dragon Power gym. Is that the most awesome name for a gym or what?!!! AND the owner is a world Muay Thai Champion! I will be his Daniel-san and he will be my Miyagi. Its gonna be so AWESOME!!!

Mini House episode: What's been up lately?

I've lost 3kg in 2 months. Not bad. Until I became premenstrual and my body retained so much water that I gained those 3kg back. Oh yeah, happy times.
As if my pms wasn't bad enough you wanna tell me I gained weight mother fucker?! That's right, I'm looking at you Mr Scale! You know what, FUCK YOU! All you ever do is look at me all judgementaly and call me fat, you insensitive jerk! I wish you would just fuck off and DIE! (runs off crying)

One week later: Hey Mr Scale, I'm sorry about our fight. I know we both said some harsh things but I'm sure we can just put it all behind us and move forward. Together.
Well, would you look at that! Those 3kg are gone again. Well isn't that just the darndest thing...

So my life has been rather exciting lately, but first, let me put you in the scene. I am a House MD fanatic. Best. Series. EVER! However, this addiction has one rather nasty side effect. Every little thing I see on my body makes me believe I have an incredibly rare autoimmune disease, OR I need to go to the hospital so they can stick a huge needle in me before they can make a diagnosis. I freak myself out on a regular basis. Like the whole weight gain in the beginning of this blog. I was all, I have cushions! There is a tumour in my brain that is pushing down on my pituitary gland, which is causing all my hormones to go hay wire leading to this inexplicable weight gain, moodiness and lethargy! OMG I'M GOING TO DIE! usually follows one of these self-diagnoses. But then the "symptom" goes away and I realise for the hundredth time that maybe I should watch less House.

Then came this weekend. I had a really good weekend. I went to visit my friend and watched The Proposal (super funny guys), went to a mad good braai and scored some wee...hey! Are you wearing a wire?!

So that was Friday and Saturday, totally awesome days. Sunday, not so much. Woke up with a cold sore between my chin and my bottom lip. I don't know what that area is called but it was not really on my chin, and it was not on my lip so that is the best I can do. But that was not the problem. Herpes simplex, relatively harmless virus that is forever in your spinal fluid and flares up when your immune system is a bit down from stress or fatigue. Easily explained away. (FYI: Herpes simplex is the good herpes, it keeps the bad genital herpes away. I am not ashamed. And no I did not make out with anyone that is not how you get it!)

So like I was saying, got a cold sore. No big deal. BUT THEN...DUN DUN DUNNNN!
I rested my head on my hand just under my chin and recoiled at my own touch. The area under my chin was swollen and painful to touch. Immediate thought: CANCER! God, where is Wilson when you need him?! I spent all morning trying to calm myself down in the middle of my PMS-House paranoia. I saw the lumbar puncture tests, the biopsies, the failed chemo, the removal of my submandibular gland to find that its NOT CANCER! What's the differential?!!!

Now for the anti-climax. Went to the doc and he said it was an inflammation/infection of the ...come on, we did this just two seconds ago. That's right, the submandibular gland. This had been brought on by the cold sore, which as we know was set off by the immune system being down from the stress/fatigue. He gave me some antibiotics and pain meds.
I have finished the meds and feel a little better. Took two days off. Was beautiful man. I got to watch House all day!!!